In real life, being good often works against you.
Yesterday, someone very close to me called.
In fact, it was a distress call.
She sounded very dejected, so I asked her to meet me at a nearby café.
Perhaps she needed to open up to someone she could confide in.
She was truly very distressed.
When her in-laws asked for money, she gave them a portion of her savings.
Now, when she needed the money herself, they refused to return it.
They claimed she had done them no favor—on the contrary, it was her responsibility to give them money.
She couldn’t even bring herself to cry. She kept repeating that she felt betrayed.
She had lent money to her in-laws to help them when they needed it. But now, when she needed that money herself, they refused to return it. Worse, they began speaking ill of her.
In daily life, helping others can often lead to regret.
I don’t want to exaggerate these situations.
But sometimes even our own people indeed turn against us.
Often, the very people we trust are the ones who let us down. And when we find ourselves alone and without support, enduring that pain becomes even harder.
It is a bitter truth, and many of us have experienced it in one form or another.
Benevolence and Betrayal
In real life, kindness and integrity do not always make our lives easier.
Being a good person is admirable, but it can sometimes put us in situations where others take advantage of our goodwill or fail to appreciate our efforts.
When we are met with ingratitude or betrayal in return for our good intentions, it is natural to feel disappointment and sadness.
In a world where even minor disagreements can escalate into serious conflicts, we need to be mindful of how we extend our kindness and trust.
We can still be kind, helpful, and friendly without allowing others to compromise our well-being.
We do not need to abandon our boundaries in order to be kind.
We have every right to protect our peace, our savings, our dignity, and our safety.
Is benevolence itself the problem, or do we fail to recognize when others are taking advantage of it?
One should avoid showing compassion without understanding and boundaries right from the start.
Following the path of goodness is challenging, especially today with so much pretense and deceit.
People often pretend to be in the most miserable or dire circumstances imaginable; yet, the moment they receive a grant or assistance, they vanish or outright deny ever having received any help at all.
My observation may seem unfair, but in many cases, this holds.
Numerous real-life incidents of fraud committed under the pretext of seeking help illustrate this problem.
The person seeking help could be someone close to you, a colleague, a neighbor, or even a stranger.
The question arises: how capable are we ourselves of helping others?
A second question is how we can determine whether the request for help is genuine.
A third question concerns the change in behavior of the beneficiary after receiving help.
I have heard elders say: “Do a good deed and then forget about it.”
But is that really possible? You might forget, but what about the people you helped?
Sometimes, people begin to take repeated acts of kindness for granted.
What was initially a voluntary gesture becomes an expectation, and saying no suddenly makes us appear selfish in their eyes.
This is true in many aspects.
And even if that doesn’t happen, another scenario is possible: when you are in need, these very people turn away—as if they don’t even recognize you.
They don’t even acknowledge your kindness or help.
Benevolence is never in vain.
An act of kindness can have value even when it goes unacknowledged.
A smile, a helping hand, or a thoughtful gesture may bring comfort to someone in ways we never discover.
The recipient may not express gratitude, and the outcome may not be immediately visible, but that does not automatically make the gesture meaningless.
Every act of benevolence, no matter how small, uplifts spirits, fosters connections, and inspires hope.
These gestures, whether a simple smile, a helping hand, or a heartfelt donation, emanate warmth and empathy, leaving a lasting impression that can spread joy and positivity in unexpected ways.
Even if a person receiving help doesn’t show gratitude or results take time to emerge, an act of kindness can still create significant positive change in their life and in society.
Demonstrating kindness and goodwill towards others is always valuable and meaningful, even if the impact isn’t immediately visible.
Being kind does not mean saying yes to everyone.
We sometimes help others out of love, guilt, social pressure, or fear of being called selfish.
A sincere “no” can be far better than a “yes” given reluctantly.
It is perfectly reasonable to think carefully before deciding to help others.
Being kind to others is one thing; another side of story is that your own mental well-being and financial situation also matter.
you are not obligated to fulfil every request simply because someone needs help or expects it from you.
Help others without putting yourself at risk.
This is especially relevant to those who engage in charitable works.
When lending money, be clear about repayment, never lend what you cannot afford to lose, and do not jeopardize your financial security to satisfy someone else’s demands.
Boundaries are not a sign of selfishness.
People sometimes label us selfish when we stop fulfilling their expectations. Their disappointment does not automatically mean we have done something wrong.
Protect yourself without losing faith in humanity
Perhaps this is not the time to stop being benevolent. Perhaps it is the time to become more discerning about where, how, and to whom we extend our kindness.
We cannot control how others respond to our goodwill. We cannot guarantee that our trust will never be betrayed. But we can learn to distinguish genuine need from repeated exploitation, generosity from obligation, and love from manipulation.
Being a good person does not mean being available to everyone at the cost of our own well-being.
Be kind, but do not let your kindness become someone else’s entitlement.
Repeated disappointments can make us question not only other people’s intentions but also our own willingness to help. We may gradually become suspicious, guarded, and reluctant to extend a helping hand even when someone genuinely needs it.
This is why we must learn to be kind to ourselves first. Protecting our mental peace does not mean becoming indifferent to the suffering of others. It means recognising our limitations so that we can help without exhausting ourselves emotionally or placing our own well-being at risk.
We should not allow the dishonesty of some people to destroy the goodness within us. At the same time, we should not sacrifice ourselves to prove that we are good.
A Heart-felt Message to Everyone
Be compassionate enough to recognise another person’s suffering, wise enough to recognise when your kindness is being exploited, and kind enough to yourself to know when to step back.
A reflection on kindness and self-respect
This Is Not the Time to Be Benevolent
In real life, being good often works against you.
Yesterday, someone very close to me called.
In fact, it was a distress call.
She sounded very dejected, so I asked her to meet me at a nearby café. Perhaps she needed to open up to someone she could confide in.
She was truly very distressed.
When her in-laws asked for money, she gave them a portion of her savings. Now, when she needed the money herself, they refused to return it. They claimed she had done them no favour—on the contrary, it was her responsibility to give them money.
She couldn’t even bring herself to cry. She kept repeating that she felt betrayed.
She had lent money to her in-laws to help them when they needed it. But now, when she needed that money herself, they refused to return it. Worse, they began speaking ill of her.
In daily life, helping others can sometimes lead to regret.
I don’t want to exaggerate these situations. But sometimes even our own people turn against us.
Often, the very people we trust are the ones who let us down. And when we find ourselves alone and without support, enduring that pain becomes even harder.
It is a bitter truth, and many of us have experienced it in one form or another.
Benevolence and Betrayal
In real life, kindness and integrity do not always make our lives easier. Being a good person is admirable, but it can sometimes put us in situations where others take advantage of our goodwill or fail to appreciate our efforts.
When our good intentions are met with ingratitude or betrayal, it is natural to feel disappointed and sad.
In a world where even minor disagreements can escalate into serious conflicts, we need to be mindful of how we extend our kindness and trust. However, we can still be kind, helpful, and friendly without allowing others to compromise our well-being.
We do not need to abandon our boundaries in order to be kind.
We have every right to protect our peace, our savings, our dignity, and our safety.
Is benevolence itself the problem, or do we fail to recognise when others are taking advantage of it?
We should be careful about extending help without understanding the circumstances or establishing appropriate boundaries.
Following the path of goodness can be challenging, especially in times when pretence and deceit make it difficult to know whom to trust.
Unfortunately, some people exploit the compassion of others by exaggerating their difficulties, concealing the truth, or refusing to acknowledge the assistance they have received. Such experiences can make it increasingly difficult to distinguish genuine need from deliberate manipulation.
The person seeking help could be someone close to us, a colleague, a neighbour, or even a stranger.
Three important questions arise: How much help can we realistically offer? How can we assess whether a request is genuine? And how might the recipient’s behaviour change after receiving assistance?
I have heard elders say, “Do a good deed and then forget about it.”
But is that really possible? You might forget, but what about the people you helped?
Sometimes, people begin to take repeated acts of kindness for granted. What was initially a voluntary gesture becomes an expectation, and saying no suddenly makes us appear selfish in their eyes.
This can happen in many kinds of relationships.
And even when help is not repeatedly demanded, another disappointment is possible: when you are in need, the very people you helped may turn away, as though they no longer recognise you. They may not even acknowledge your kindness or assistance.
Benevolence Is Never in Vain
An act of kindness can have value even when it goes unacknowledged.
A smile, a helping hand, or a thoughtful gesture may bring comfort to someone in ways we never discover. The recipient may not express gratitude, and the outcome may not be immediately visible, but that does not automatically make the gesture meaningless.
Kindness can foster connection, inspire hope, and create positive change in ways we may never fully see.
Being Kind Does Not Mean Saying Yes to Everyone
We sometimes help others out of love, guilt, social pressure, or fear of being called selfish.
A sincere “no” can be far better than a “yes” given reluctantly.
It is perfectly reasonable to think carefully before deciding to help others. Being kind to others is important, but we must also remember that our mental well-being and financial circumstances matter.
You are not obligated to fulfil every request simply because someone needs help or expects it from you.
Help Others Without Putting Yourself at Risk
This is especially relevant to those who engage in charitable work.
When lending money, be clear about repayment, never lend what you cannot afford to lose, and do not jeopardise your financial security to satisfy someone else’s demands.
Boundaries Are Not a Sign of Selfishness
People sometimes label us selfish when we stop fulfilling their expectations. Their disappointment does not automatically mean we have done something wrong.
Protect Yourself Without Losing Faith in Humanity
Repeated disappointments can make us question not only other people’s intentions but also our own willingness to help. We may gradually become suspicious, guarded, and reluctant to extend a helping hand even when someone genuinely needs it.
This is why we must learn to be kind to ourselves first. Protecting our mental peace does not mean becoming indifferent to the suffering of others. It means recognising our limitations so that we can help without exhausting ourselves emotionally or placing our own well-being at risk.
We should not allow the dishonesty of some people to destroy the goodness within us. At the same time, we should not sacrifice ourselves to prove that we are good.
Perhaps this is not the time to stop being benevolent. Perhaps it is the time to become more discerning about where, how, and to whom we extend our kindness.
We cannot control how others respond to our goodwill or guarantee that our trust will never be betrayed. But we can learn to distinguish genuine need from repeated exploitation, generosity from obligation, and love from manipulation.
Being a good person does not mean being available to everyone at the cost of our own well-being.
Be kind, but do not let your kindness become someone else’s entitlement.
A Heartfelt Message to Everyone
Be compassionate enough to recognise another person’s suffering, wise enough to recognise when your kindness is being exploited, and kind enough to yourself to know when to step back.